yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize