where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
