if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
