happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
