I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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