Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
