Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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