i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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