SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
