So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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