I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I intend to get homeless drunk
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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