He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
