Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
