i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
