Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
