new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
