Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
