Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I cut my penus on the lid.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my poor anus
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize