"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
