Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
