Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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