i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize