I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize