I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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