he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize