Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
