I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
