Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
