nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
