Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
