Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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