Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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