You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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