butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
