Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
