Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever

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(206): View more from Washington

Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.

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(850): View more from Florida

When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?

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(845): View more from New York

officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.

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(765): View more from Indiana

He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore

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