Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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