thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
