If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
