This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
