Midget sex pt 2 tonight
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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