Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dicks are not precious.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
