why didn't you poke me back
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
