Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
