do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
