Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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