He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So many bounce houses so little time
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
