This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
