I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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