never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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