her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
