Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
