My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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