Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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