What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
