Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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