Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
