3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
