She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
