I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
