I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
