i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
