Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
