At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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