i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you had me at cake vodka
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
