My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
