I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
