I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
