i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
