At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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