i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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