I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
