Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
