Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
