If that was your dad, he is hot
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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